I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
