brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
