I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
