Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
