i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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