Kiss
Puke
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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