My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
