I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
