That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
