There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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