Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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