remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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