This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
