You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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