i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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