yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
