My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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