sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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