everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
