I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
