I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She needs sedatives and a leash
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
