he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
