Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
