Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
