i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
