Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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