Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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