i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
