you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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