So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
