All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
