and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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