I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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