never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
