how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
