We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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