I am in a vortex of obligation.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
