Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
