So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
