You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day â¤ï¸
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
