Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
