So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
