Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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