I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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