I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
