If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
