I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
