Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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