He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
