dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
