You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
