Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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