and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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