Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
