i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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