Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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